I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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