"it" just moved
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
