Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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