He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
