a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
