How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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