Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
