and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
