she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
