i barfeds in our rink
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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