She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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