Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
