Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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