just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
