He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
