He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
