Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
