Little spoons don't ask big questions
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
