Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
