This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
