You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
