i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
