I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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