does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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