I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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