Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
