I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
