i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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