feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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