Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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