Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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