Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
