I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
