he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
