May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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