Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
