It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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