you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
