We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
