Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
