So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
is wine microwaveable?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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