would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
