Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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