i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
