we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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