I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
