just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
