How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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