Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
