Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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