No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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