Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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